WEIRD HONEY//FORGOTTEN JOURNAL from Annelise Stabenau

5.21

“ eyes + Desire

early responses—> gravity-based

mature responses—> spatial-based

5.31

Libraries are frightening b/c they require maintenance. What is it about books. Do books make you laugh do they have laughs like

6.1

SWEDISH DANCE HISTORY

Stop Dancing + Start Cooking

6.2

tongue—> 1st muscle you learn to control

stiff tongue=stiff spine

equilibrium responses=balance

reflexes= specific stimulus + specific response

When spine is low-tone, children W-SIT b/c the wide base makes them feel more stable—> narrow his base; using his spine more; gives his spine more tone.

6.20

Simplicity as a starting place for movement + creativity

score:

across floor, show off your bone structure. What is yr skeleton.

Draw a friend’s portrait.

Draw a stranger’s portrait.

-

a score for presence:

rub the chocolate on your teeth

—>FOLLOW YOUR INTENTION

7.1.15

-ovulation method birth control

-wearing comfortable shoes

-german consulate

-buy a watch/fix watch

-trim toenails

7.2.15

WHAT IS SEX

WHAT IS PERFORMANCE

7.3.15

FREE-FALLING

is when you get rid of all expectations + inhibitions + restrictions—>self imposed or otherwise

-wednesday—we closed our eyes + improvised. After hands-on work w/ Kathleen and kirstie. I cried after blind contact improv. Kirstie mentions the joy within. The inner intelligence awakening + shaking. Bliss in your body without any exertion. Spiraling, falling, flying—not because you just fell in love or won the lottery but because it is coming from inside you but most importantly what’s inside you is what’s inside of everyone and everything. Cosmic connection.

7.18

speaking

--saying things out loud

gives them permission/possibility to be confirmed/ affirmed

-if you wait a couple days after an experience where you never affirmed it out loud, some doubt can arise. If you say it out loud in the moment when you feel it, it cuts off possibility for questioning + doubt.

7.19

ABSTRACT LAP DANCES

Vegetarian curry bible

7.21

OVULATION*

Today is the first day of my period; I spend the entire day eating while making small talk and taking very public naps because I have no privacy here. I wake up at 6pm + impulsively start biking to Lunow on a shitty townie. A bug flies into my mouth + I swallow it. I start to return to Stolzenhagen when I realize that the reason I missed the wildflowers surrounding the bike path is because every trace of them has been mowed over. I’m very anxious about this and next thing I know I’ve been zoning out for quite some time. I squint + make out 2 men in a stopped car with a dog on the side of the road. We see each other and after a minute, I become paranoid that these men have gotten inside the car and are following me. I look over my shoulder and sure enough they are driving slowly parallel the bike path, my panic manifests its fullest. I can’t breathe and my chest pounds this inside of my skeleton. My body sweats cold. I can feel their hands grab me + push me their faces shush me I am screaming but deafened by the wind in my ears on my bike. There is no one in sight. My thighs start to burn and I can see my mother as a young woman and my vision crosses I’m filled to the brim with regret + hatred and I start to overflow and i am in a mental institution for the rest of my life, I’m on the perpetual brink of giving it all up. The sound of the car wheels wraps up into a clattering with the painful howling breeze and as the car rattles steadily into my periphery, I drop my speed and they carry down the road without missing a beat. they fade out of vision and my breathing begins to return. i gulp and the back of my throat is a salty remnant of semen. i can recall the crunch of the bug in my mouth. I hack up phlegm and cry a little underneath the bridge of the canal. it’s dinner time.

7.30

Lessons:

diving board

horseback riding

only the best honey

solar showers

grey gardens

museli

solstice ritual

compost toilets

8.1

ENGLISH*SPEAKING*NANNY

Experienced and reliable

917.748.3056

8.4

Sleep in-eat chickpeas-send emails-clip toenails-nap-make coffee-falafel + mauer park w/ sam-dinner + sleepover w/ kim+andrea

8.5

wake up with pink hair and make eggs. etc.

8.6

Say bye to Tom. Call Ludwig + he comes over. He is very sick. Still, we fool around in bed for hours with many orgasms. We go for a walk + eat olives + coffee + cheese + bread + tomatoes at Turkish Cafe on Karl-Marx. Then we buy frozen raspberries and retreat to the house for more sex. we lie in smoking room + roll cigarettes + we listen to music and I give a massage that makes him hack loogies. Raspberries + tea we retreat to bed again and he pulls out. we shower + shelley gets home. cook dinner w/ shelley + sam. The boys go home + we fall asleep.

8.7

Sam + I are supposed to go to Postdam I wait around the house all day until at night I finally go over + we drink+smoke + play music and I get wasted from Jaeger + cough up a little vomit and get in bed. Sam spoons me I start to fall asleep + he wakes me up to say bye.

8.8

wake up in panic- late to meet Jaakko. Rush over— so sweaty + confused by building. Jaakko #2 is beautiful + Finnish. So hungover from Jaeger. He gives me the keys. I keep composure and find coffee + bagel to scarf down after. Go to Moritzplatz for Microclimates B-Tour. Go home, shower, watch first half of ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ and bike to Bethanien to meet Ludwig to see Sura perform. I’m obviously late and he is obviously sweet about it. I’m so hungry we leave performance early and find falafel near Gorlitzer. We wander, eat cake— go to Audre Lorde screening in alley way. Go to his place. more sex + food + then it storms. I leave. Sleep upstairs with Shelley b/c she has a rash.

8.26

Bonding + Defending + Learning

-self

-other

-environment “

#forgiven

 

 

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