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"Coarse" by Nikki Broderick

Okay, sweetheart, just lay on this table right here. Oh, wow, you’re so red! You’ve got a sweaty forehead, there! Are you sunburned? Did you walk here? No? You drove? Is it that hot out? Allright, I’ll just dab this off for you.

So, how long has it been since you’ve been waxed? Never? Not even tweezed? Wow, wow, so that’s why your eyebrows are so thick! Very full. Ver-r-r-y long. Kind of shapeless, like caterpillars. After a few minutes they’ll be butterflies, don’t you worry.

I’m glad yours are so thick. Sometimes, these girls come in here with barely any eyebrows, and it’s like, what am I supposed to work with? And they’ve gotta use a pencil to fill in their brows! I’ve gotta pencil in my brows, but that’s just old age, you know.

I can pretty much guarantee that you’re never gonna have to use a pencil for these brows. I’ve got plenty to work with here. Plenty, plenty, plenty.

Don’t take too much off? Of course not! I’m just gonna tame them a little bit. And, hon, I could take a lot off and you’d still have plenty left, so don’t worry.

You know, thicker eyebrows are in style right now. What’s that actress with the unibrow? She’s very popular. I’ll Google it. You know who else had a unibrow? Fridha Kahlo! She was very talented, very talented artist.

Okay, now, this wax is going to be a little hot! Oh, my goodness, you’re so jumpy! You got a low pain tolerance?

You ever been waxed down there? If this hurts on your brows, hon, I can’t even be-gin to explain what this wax is gonna feel like down there.

Don’t jerk your head away, dear! Just nerves? Don’t be nervous. Women can give birth to children all the time. You’re gonna be fine.

This under the eyelid thing is gonna hurt a lot more than the rest of it. You know what I think it is? Your eyebrow hairs are so coarse. They’re creating a lot of resistance. Let me feel your ponytail. All of your hair is coarse! I think that’s it. But beauty is pain, hon.

Oh, gawd, if you’re eyebrows are as coarse as your down there, hon, don’t even both waxing. Definitely go for the laser treatment. It’ll take a few times, but it’ll be worth it.

Okay, hon, we’re almost done. Now, I’m just gonna put some lavender oil on all these red spots, okay? You might be a little swollen for a day or so. Those coarse hairs just did not want to leave you.

Look at those brows in this mirror. Still thick, right? See, you had nothing to worry about.



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