"Things I Have Lost" by Susie Ferrell
The curved wooden earrings that I bought with my mother in Hawaii
They used to lay on my dresser
Now I don't know where they lay.
My dorm key from last year, but then I found it
My ID every time I look for it in my bottomless bag
My grandfather to cancer
My grandmother to Alzheimer's
My cat when I was six years old but he always came home.
The key to my family's china cabinet which I buried near my friend's house when I was mad
We dug for way too long to not find it.
My transfer ticket
My pink eye crayon
All but two of my bobby pins
You
My shiney metal thermos
Most of my guitar picks
My tape dispenser
My desire for colors.
you came into my room while I was sleeping
you placed flowers on my desk
and they were crisp and red
and you combed my hair with the tips of your fingers
while I watched the petals fall from under my covers
you opened my windows to let in the hot summer air
and move the curtains back and forth lover the edge of my bed
I tried to be asleep
I tried to shut my eyes hard enough that my brain would disengage
I tried to roll over and curl up into the front of my spine
I tried to push my sternum out through my back
With my head in my knees.
I was in bed for eight hours but without eight seconds of rest.
You are counting the creases in your pillow
Your eyelashes against your cheek
While I am counting sheep
I will not count the dreams I have had about you
Because I do not have the fingers for it
