Found Thoughts That Were Lost in the Shuffle by contributor

The more out of control my life is the more difficult it becomes for me to express myself. Out loud, on a page, in relationships. When I’m going through a particularly trying period, my thoughts only come through in bursts or snippets. Run on sentences, a word here, a phrase there. A cacophony of nothingness and everything all at once, wreaking havoc on my out-of-control mind. When thoughts become just coherent enough, I often write them down on my phone before they slip away. Here are some random, unedited, thoughts that got lost in the shuffle, which I stumbled upon later.

- Listening to Adele’s new album has me feeling like I’m a star in Inception. She’s giving me all these memories of things that have never happened and feels I’ve never had.

- Home is a magical place where we give our feelings to

- When my parents died everyone told me that I had to be strong, but I wish they would’ve told me that it was okay to be broken too. Because that’s what I was, and still am.

- Artisanal pizza

- The revolution will not be televised. The problem with waiting on the media to validate the lived experiences of Black people in America and relying on traditional news sources for facts – no coverage of the million man march.

- I’m through punishing her.

- I love you because you make me happy to be me.

- Sometimes they cannot be silenced. There can be absolutely no sign of life. Sometimes you must look around and understand the truth of the moment; you are on your own.

- Elements

- Drowning in colors

- Friday 4

- Puzzle pieces fit together; each unique in their own right, but come together beautifully to make a more complete image. Multiple people who can fit to you but sometimes others are occupying the spot and we have to let them go in order to see new pictures.

- Yes I am aware that you can see my bra strap, and no I do not care.

- I was in the gym late Tuesday night, rockin out to Selena Gomez who I lowkey j’adore. Her new album dropped last week and I’m lovin it. One of my particular favorites is called Me and My Girls. It’s an upbeat, fast tempo number that praises sisterhood, singleness, and the art of being confident and free. I’ve never really considered myself a girls’ girl. Which is not to say that I don’t have my fair share of gal pals, but boys with their ease and often drama free living always left me feeling a little more comfortable. It occurred to me whilst mouthing the lyrics to this song that I didn’t have a group of girls who were truly, proudly, and passionately single. If you’ll excuse my heteronormativity, what is about boys that makes girls so gaga?

- On today’s episode of things that amuse and confuse me: morning selfies. When you say good morning to Instagram, does it say good morning back? Feeling petty; shade not intended.

- I have always loved a good sleep. Even when frequent childhood night terrors would leave me paralyzed with fear. Even now when I hate myself for using sleep as my biggest coping mechanism for escaping life, I still love sleep.

- Our lives, like every story, have a beginning and an end. But, without a good, strong, middle, both tend to be fairly meaningless.

- Hawaii, Napa, San Fran, South America, New Orleans

- When I was younger, long before I reached my full height potential of an above average 5’7 and was experiencing discomfort in my body, I was always so annoyed when someone told me “oh you’re probably just experiencing growing pains.” The idea seemed so cheesy to me. But now that I have a little more life under my belt and what I like to think is a lot more perspective, I realize that it’s true; growing is painful. It hurts to change, to challenge yourself and your beliefs, to learn from your mistakes and to keep an open mind. It breaks your heart a little when you realize that you no longer have any interest in something or someone that you used to love. Especially if there was no explanation of that change.

- Loveanox and other drugs

- One day I was standing on the roof of my building and I decided to take a picture. Something about the angles of the building and the train track was appealing to me. My friend watched me take it without comment. Hours later I was editing the image and asked her opinion on which filter to use. After settling on one, she paused and then said, “I really like this picture. I didn’t get it while you were taking it, and couldn’t figure out why you were interested by it, but I really like it.” The lesson here is that people may not always see or share your vision. Nobody else can see things and conceptualize things quite the way you can, but that doesn’t mean they can’t appreciate the result. Our paths to success are not always the same, but once we arrive there, our success becomes obvious even if our vision was once challenged.

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- Am I the only one who gets annoyed when people use “I just see the best in people” as an excuse to deal with people who ain’t shit? Like bish how about you see the best in yourself then…

- There’s always going to be a person in your life who’s disappointed by your choices. Just make sure that person isn’t you.

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